As for the topic itself, I got the feeling that it's just so similar to shopping? This consumerist approach of going for trendy stuff that caught our eye and is cheap enough (ie. low quality material), so we know we can get several items - because options! we wanna have it all, no commitment attached! - as opposed to one solid quality item that is initially an investment (because I guess there'd be some effort, even if just mental, into becoming someone, whom a mature person would find attractive?) but is so worth it.
I can see how online dating has contributed to the growth of considering people as disposable, even if maybe it wasn't the goal when the first dating apps and online matching websites appeared. As you say it's very easy to fall into that thinking when we have thousands of options at our fingertips and we can forget to look at people as individuals with their own stories, personalities, hopes, etc.
I stumbled across this post somehow, and I just want to give you a hug! It's rough out there for single women today. I'm 48 and have been married 19 years with a lovely teen daughter. I hope young women will not give up on love. I agree with the Indian matchmaker - being willing to let go of some of your criteria and having a bit of humility can allow you to find someone and love them fully. What seemed incredibly important at 25 or 35 might not seem so important at 55 or 75. And aren't we aiming for a marriage that lasts a lifetime?
True love rests on humility, service, and sacrifice. It is an action, not a set of feelings. My husband didn't look like much on paper, he doesn't have the best earning potential, but he is one of the wisest, bravest, most honorable people I've ever known. Doesn't hurt that he's also extremely handsome and funny. And he is a wonderful father. Loving him makes me a better person. I see him sacrifice for us all the time.
Aw, this is such a lovely comment, thanks so much for sharing your experience and glad to hear you have created a beautiful family.
And you're right, priorities change as we age and what seemed an important must-have quality at 20 is no longer so relevant at 30, and so on. I guess the main problem nowadays is that everyone who is single after their mid-30s feels somehow they're better off that way considering how frustrating both men and women find online dating, which makes the whole process of meeting new people even more challenging as then everyone becomes very guarded.
But that's not to say there aren't amazing men and women happy to give a chance to the right person, so here's hoping!
I wish you all the luck in the world. Another reminder that over thinking has become pretty much the only way of thinking about something that for 99.9 percent of human history has been a simple transaction. What a minefield
I think that was the Camden Journal being a bit misleading in their placement of Paddington right below the story of the woman who was found dead. When I looked at it I thought "there's no way whoever put this cover together didn't know what they were doing."😂
What a wonderful piece of writing, worthy to be published in one of those fancy literary magazines (not on the cover of a local London newspaper)! The humour, the brilliant lines, the flow, the snapshot of a cultural phenomenon...! I love how you make the case for opening up yet again to the possibility of a good love, despite the dire current state of things. It's also quite timely for me, as a couple of friends trigger me by asking if I stiiiil haven't found a guy. 🤦♀️
Wow, thanks for your lovely words, Monica, really appreciate it coming from you. I'm glad I 've managed to condense years of neurosis and contradictions in a piece of writing that makes sense for those in the same situation. Who would have thought meeting someone in a world inhabited by 8 billion people could be such a challenge? 😅
I still don’t know if it was intentional or not but when I read the line “I seriously wonder what on earth came over me (besides them, obviously)” I nearly spit out my Garnacha Blanca
Well if you’re into dating reality shows can I strongly recommend The Boyfriend on Netflix, it’s a Japanese show about 10 guys and such a lovely show. Very warm and cute
Oh yes, you told me already about it! I need to watch it this weekend so we can discuss it. By the way, have you watched Heartstopper? I've finished it recently and I thought it was such a wonderful show that I wished it had existed when I was a teenager.
Am I several years into a satisfying, loving relationship, for which I'll eventually have to leave my favourite city and move to a sad-ass country that is Britain? Yes.
Did I have a crush on Hot Rabbi? Absolutely. I think my eyes welled up their first kiss scene 🥹
It totally took my cold, dead heart by surprise how much I liked the character of Adam Brody and how natural and real the relationship with the character of Kristen Bell feels. It's really renewed my hope in the power of love to make us less selfish and self-entered. It's very refreshing in the context of gloom and doom that reigns in the current dating world. And really glad for you to be enjoying the great things a loving relationship can bring to our lives ❤️
Yes, yes! I get it, though happily married, I was 48 before that happened. Last night I binged the Spanish Netflix show, The Perfect Story. I felt so warm and glowy as I remembered our first kiss 20 years ago. Stupid soap! Highly recommended, and I was shocked that menstruation got graphic. So don't see it if you don't like gore!
But that's fantastic, Deborah. That's what life should be about: knowing that love doesn't have a specific age or timeline. That would send out a more hopeful message for everyone who feels they're running out of time. And thanks for the Netflix recommendation, will add to the watch list!
As for the topic itself, I got the feeling that it's just so similar to shopping? This consumerist approach of going for trendy stuff that caught our eye and is cheap enough (ie. low quality material), so we know we can get several items - because options! we wanna have it all, no commitment attached! - as opposed to one solid quality item that is initially an investment (because I guess there'd be some effort, even if just mental, into becoming someone, whom a mature person would find attractive?) but is so worth it.
To put it shortly, I blame capitalism!!1
I can see how online dating has contributed to the growth of considering people as disposable, even if maybe it wasn't the goal when the first dating apps and online matching websites appeared. As you say it's very easy to fall into that thinking when we have thousands of options at our fingertips and we can forget to look at people as individuals with their own stories, personalities, hopes, etc.
I stumbled across this post somehow, and I just want to give you a hug! It's rough out there for single women today. I'm 48 and have been married 19 years with a lovely teen daughter. I hope young women will not give up on love. I agree with the Indian matchmaker - being willing to let go of some of your criteria and having a bit of humility can allow you to find someone and love them fully. What seemed incredibly important at 25 or 35 might not seem so important at 55 or 75. And aren't we aiming for a marriage that lasts a lifetime?
True love rests on humility, service, and sacrifice. It is an action, not a set of feelings. My husband didn't look like much on paper, he doesn't have the best earning potential, but he is one of the wisest, bravest, most honorable people I've ever known. Doesn't hurt that he's also extremely handsome and funny. And he is a wonderful father. Loving him makes me a better person. I see him sacrifice for us all the time.
You can do it ladies. Don't give up on love.
Aw, this is such a lovely comment, thanks so much for sharing your experience and glad to hear you have created a beautiful family.
And you're right, priorities change as we age and what seemed an important must-have quality at 20 is no longer so relevant at 30, and so on. I guess the main problem nowadays is that everyone who is single after their mid-30s feels somehow they're better off that way considering how frustrating both men and women find online dating, which makes the whole process of meeting new people even more challenging as then everyone becomes very guarded.
But that's not to say there aren't amazing men and women happy to give a chance to the right person, so here's hoping!
All I need to know is what ends up happening with current crush! 😂
It's doomed because it's a fictional character that only exists on the screen... another impossible standard!
this was cool, thanks
Glad you enjoyed reading it : )
I wish you all the luck in the world. Another reminder that over thinking has become pretty much the only way of thinking about something that for 99.9 percent of human history has been a simple transaction. What a minefield
Ahaha, it's a minefield indeed!
Loved this but also need to know more about the Paddington "pimp" story you so casually dangled there.
I think that was the Camden Journal being a bit misleading in their placement of Paddington right below the story of the woman who was found dead. When I looked at it I thought "there's no way whoever put this cover together didn't know what they were doing."😂
What a wonderful piece of writing, worthy to be published in one of those fancy literary magazines (not on the cover of a local London newspaper)! The humour, the brilliant lines, the flow, the snapshot of a cultural phenomenon...! I love how you make the case for opening up yet again to the possibility of a good love, despite the dire current state of things. It's also quite timely for me, as a couple of friends trigger me by asking if I stiiiil haven't found a guy. 🤦♀️
Wow, thanks for your lovely words, Monica, really appreciate it coming from you. I'm glad I 've managed to condense years of neurosis and contradictions in a piece of writing that makes sense for those in the same situation. Who would have thought meeting someone in a world inhabited by 8 billion people could be such a challenge? 😅
I still don’t know if it was intentional or not but when I read the line “I seriously wonder what on earth came over me (besides them, obviously)” I nearly spit out my Garnacha Blanca
There might have been a sorry-not-sorry double entendre there which I decided to keep. I'm glad you've appreciated it 😁
Well if you’re into dating reality shows can I strongly recommend The Boyfriend on Netflix, it’s a Japanese show about 10 guys and such a lovely show. Very warm and cute
Oh yes, you told me already about it! I need to watch it this weekend so we can discuss it. By the way, have you watched Heartstopper? I've finished it recently and I thought it was such a wonderful show that I wished it had existed when I was a teenager.
No I haven’t watched that. I keep thinking I’ll just get sad my youth was not as happy
That's a possibility, but it may leave you feeling uplifted too :)
Am I several years into a satisfying, loving relationship, for which I'll eventually have to leave my favourite city and move to a sad-ass country that is Britain? Yes.
Did I have a crush on Hot Rabbi? Absolutely. I think my eyes welled up their first kiss scene 🥹
It totally took my cold, dead heart by surprise how much I liked the character of Adam Brody and how natural and real the relationship with the character of Kristen Bell feels. It's really renewed my hope in the power of love to make us less selfish and self-entered. It's very refreshing in the context of gloom and doom that reigns in the current dating world. And really glad for you to be enjoying the great things a loving relationship can bring to our lives ❤️
Yes, yes! I get it, though happily married, I was 48 before that happened. Last night I binged the Spanish Netflix show, The Perfect Story. I felt so warm and glowy as I remembered our first kiss 20 years ago. Stupid soap! Highly recommended, and I was shocked that menstruation got graphic. So don't see it if you don't like gore!
But that's fantastic, Deborah. That's what life should be about: knowing that love doesn't have a specific age or timeline. That would send out a more hopeful message for everyone who feels they're running out of time. And thanks for the Netflix recommendation, will add to the watch list!